emmahircine

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they..

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they're so good at it!

What do you do when you see a spaceman? Park in it, man.

What do you do when you see a spaceman?

Park in it, man.

I know a joke about a pencil, but it’s pointless.

I know a joke about a pencil,

but it’s pointless.

I’m addicted to brake fluid, but I can stop whenever I want.

I’m addicted to brake fluid,

but I can stop whenever I want.

What's the difference between an alligator and a crocodile? ..

What's the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?

One you'll see later, the other you'll see in a while.

I’m terrified of elevators, so I’m going to start taking ste..

I’m terrified of elevators, so I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them

Why did the baby cookie cry? Because its mother was a wafer ..

Why did the baby cookie cry?

Because its mother was a wafer so long.

I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.

I used to play piano by ear,

but now I use my hands.

I told my friend she was drawing her eyebrows too high; she ..

I told my friend she was drawing her eyebrows too high;

she looked surprised

What do you get a man with the heart of a lion? A lifetime b..

What do you get a man with the heart of a lion?

A lifetime ban from the zoo.

What kinds of pictures do hermit crabs take? Shellfies.

What kinds of pictures do hermit crabs take?

Shellfies.

Did you hear about the mediocre restaurant on the moon? It h..

Did you hear about the mediocre restaurant on the moon? It has great food but no atmosphere.

How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it.

How do you make a tissue dance?

Put a little boogie in it.

I want a job cleaning mirrors. It's something I can really s..

I want a job cleaning mirrors. It's something I can really see myself doing.

What grades did the pirate get on his report card? Seven Cs.

What grades did the pirate get on his report card?

Seven Cs.

Why should you never eat a clock? Because it's too time-cons..

Why should you never eat a clock?

Because it's too time-consuming.

What do you call a factory that sells generally decent goods..

What do you call a factory that sells generally decent goods?

A satisfactory.

What do you call a pony with a sore throat? A little hoarse.

What do you call a pony with a sore throat?

A little hoarse.

Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? Fo' drizzle.

Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo' drizzle.

Why did the scarecrow get promoted? Because he was outstandi..

Why did the scarecrow get promoted?

Because he was outstanding in his field.

What's the action like at a circus? in-tents.

What's the action like at a circus?

in-tents.

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? "Aye, matey!"

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?

"Aye, matey!"

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What's the difference between a piano and a fish? You can tu..

What's the difference between a piano and a fish?

You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish.

What did the teacher do with the student's report on cheese?..

What did the teacher do with the student's report on cheese?

She grated it.

What's the best way to carve wood? Whittle by whittle.

What's the best way to carve wood?

Whittle by whittle.

What do you call a belt made of watches? A waist of time!

What do you call a belt made of watches?

A waist of time!

What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four sec..

What does a clock do when it's hungry?

It goes back four seconds

What happens when you witness a ship wreck? You let it sink ..

What happens when you witness a ship wreck?

You let it sink in.

What do you call a fly without wings? A walk!

What do you call a fly without wings?

A walk!