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Good morning! May your coffee be strong, and your day be as bright as your future.

Life's like a comedy show with an endless supply of awkward moments. But you know what they say when life gives you awkward lemons, make some funny lemonade... and grab a snack! 🤪 Cheers to more side-splitting, snack-fueled escapades! May our clumsy misadventures continue to provide the best material for laughter and the best excuses for snack breaks! 🤣

Picture this: I stroll into the job interview, ready to impress, and bam! Blank moment. I forgot why I was even there. The good news? My interviewer had snacks within arm's reach. So, I improvised. "I'm here for the...Snacks, I mean job!" Suddenly, I'm interviewing for the coolest snack curator position ever. Turns out, forgetfulness pays off! 🤣

Just another chapter in my 'Awkward Chronicles.' Today's saga: the epic battle with a push door that insisted on being pulled. Victory? Not on the first or second attempt. But lo and behold, on the third try, I cracked the code! Thank goodness for my trusty snack stash, my secret weapon against daily dilemmas. It's like my snacks are my sidekicks in this ongoing comedy show!

Today, I waved at this dude, thinking he was giving me the 'hi-five.' But, plot twist! He was just playing hat DJ! So, I thought, 'What's a gal gotta do to catch a break?' Well, the answer: dive headfirst into a bag of comforting, crispy chips! It's like my awkward life is sponsored by snacks. 🤣

𝐅𝐔𝐂𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐀 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐄 I KNOW you wanna see me fuck a playmate quote #FUCKINGAPLAYMATE in your DMs and it's yours! 💗 @camistrella

Rise and shine, sleepy ninja! Your mission today: be awesome without anyone noticing.

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!! It was finally fucking tamed! My hair went back to its sleek beautiful un-tornado-like self!! All it took was having a burst tap in the kitchen... LOL! 🤣

THEN!!! I was just innocently walking down the street looking like I had been thrown out of a fucking tornado! And a pigeon tried to make my hair into a nest! That's when I realized I needed more help taming this disaster that was my fucking hair!

So, I grabbed my trusty brush and decided it was time for a hair intervention. But fuck me, my hair wasn't having any of it! It turned into a full-blown rebellious bush, all fluffy and defiant. It's like it had its own punk rock concert going on, and the brush was just an annoying person trying to ruin its fun. I was so close to just giving up...

My hair is like a diva from a soap opera. It's got opinions, and mood swings, and it's not afraid to show 'em! I wake up, and it's like, "Today, we're going for the wild tumbleweed look!" I try to reason with it, but it's in its own world, living its best hair life. Basically, it's the boss, and I'm just along for the ride!

Today's hairstyle? Let's just say it's a masterpiece – 'The Morning Explosion' edition. Went to bed with dreams of sleek hair, and woke up with a chaotic hairdo that defied gravity. It's like I'm auditioning for a role in a shampoo commercial, but the 'before' version. Tried to tame it, but it's got a mind of its own. It's not a bad hair day; it's a hair rebellion!

Good morning! Today's agenda: Smile, laugh, and conquer the world. Easy, right?

In Dildo, forget about "rush hour" traffic; they've got something way better – "giggle hour" traffic! It's when everyone's cruising along, chuckling, and taking their sweet time. Horn honks are replaced by laughter and road rage? Nope, just road giggles! It's like one big happy parade, where the only race is to see who can tell the funniest jokes while stuck in traffic. Traffic jams have never been so entertaining!

You know, when folks from Dildo start telling stories, you better brace yourself for a wild ride! Their tales are like roller coasters with unexpected loops and surprises. It's like, "I went to the store, but then a moose offered me a job as a lumberjack, and before I knew it, I was having tea with a talking beaver!" In Dildo, everyday life is anything but ordinary!

You just know the weather forecast in Dildo is never boring! They must have a daily prediction that goes something like, "Today's forecast: 50 shades of fun with a chance of giggles." Forget about 'partly cloudy' or 'rainy days.' In Dildo, it's all about the shades of fun! They probably have a 'sunny with a chance of laughter' kind of vibe every day.

You've got to wonder if the local hardware store in Dildo stocks some, let's say, the RIGHT tools! I mean, they probably have hammers and nails like any other store, but do they also carry, well, 'specialty' items? "Sir, I'm looking for a wrench, some screws, and, oh yeah, one of your latest dildos you folks are famous for!" DIY in Dildo must be a whole different adventure!

I have decided!! This is it, I am packing up and moving!! I just found a place in Canada called DILDO!!! Why did I not know this, have you freaks been hiding this from me?? Tell me in my DMs I am not the only one that didn't know about this gem of a city!! 😲

Rise and shine, and have an AMAZING day!!!

LOL!!! You all got it!! We are all the same with our weirdness!! I LOVE all you fuckers so fucking much! 💗

Who doesn't love a beaver, a hairy beaver, a shaved beaver, a busy beaver, if you freaks don't love beavers I need to know WHY!! LOL and if you aren't getting it then I think you need to DM me and ask why I LOVE beavers!! 😋

OMG, the national animal of Canada is a BEAVER!!! That's the national animal of Bambi too! LOL 😉

𝐏𝐎𝐎𝐋 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐘 Snuck off with @toycrazykatie at a party - quote #POOLPARTY in your DMs to see what we got up to 😏

Fuck yeah! Today is already amazing! Good Morning 💗

Forget golf! In Scotland, the real national activity is rainbow and unicorn chasing in the Highlands. It's like a treasure hunt with a twist. Some people bring binoculars for Nessie, others are out there with rainbow-colored lassos and sparkly distractions If you find a unicorn, do they give you a pot of haggis instead of gold at the end of the rainbow? That's Scotland for you – where myths and munchies collide!

Picture this: Nessie, the Loch Ness Monster, and Scottish unicorns having epic underwater tea parties! They're probably sipping tea from seaweed cups and nibbling on kelp biscuits. I bet they gossip about tourists and compare notes on who's been spotted more. It's like the fanciest, most exclusive aquatic tea club, where the members are big, mysterious, and have a knack for hiding from cameras!

Imagine this Scottish unicorn, with a thick accent saying, "Aye, laddie, I'll grant yer wishes, but first, prove ye can toss a caber like a real Highlander!" It's like, instead of a magic wand, he wants you to toss a giant log! Maybe he's just testing our dedication or checking if we've got the muscles for wish-granting. Unicorns are always full of surprises! LOL! 😋

In Scotland, cows might go all fancy with rainbow-colored manes and start saying 'neigh' instead of 'moo'! I mean, who wouldn't want to see a cow sporting a rainbow hairdo, right? They're probably getting ready for their very own Highland fashion show. Fashionistas of the animal kingdom, those Scottish cows!

I just found out that Scotland's national animal is a unicorn! This is so fucking cool!! Do you think this means they really exist and the Scottish have just been hiding them from us for all these years? 🤔

May your day be as awesome as the first bite of your favorite breakfast.