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So there I was, ready to spill the beans about the surprise party. But guess what? I fucked up big time and sent it to the person we were supposed to surprise! 😂 I mean, talk about the ultimate surprise-spoiler alert! I had to do some quick damage control, like, 'Surprise! You weren't supposed to know, but now you do!'

Wake up and seize the cheese! Because who doesn't want a gouda day?

LOL! Stay tuned for more in the Bambi Blue cheesy comedian series!! C'moon head over to my DMs and share your CHEESIEST joke!! 😅

Okay, this is it because all of you freaks are just giving me too much to laugh about! The last one, I promise!! I thought, "Why not post a cheese joke online?" I hit that share button, and bam! It got a 'gouda' amount of likes! It was like my joke had turned into a viral sensation, spreading laughter like melted cheese on nachos. I guess people couldn't resist the allure of a good cheesy joke. Who knew cheese could be so 'social'?!

I busted out a cheese joke that was so 'cheddar' cheesy, it could've melted a steel heart! I glanced around and could 'brie'-ly contain my amusement as I saw the envy in their eyes. It was like I had just dropped a comedy cheese bomb, and they were left in a state of dairy disbelief!

So, I told my friend, "Hey, wanna hear a cheese pun?" They were like, "Sure, hit me with it!" I warned them, "Well, it might be too 'gouda' to be true!" They groaned I laughed, and together, we realized that cheesy jokes are the best thing since sliced bread, or in this case, sliced cheese!

LOL! I fucking love corny jokes! They really are so silly we all just need to sit back see the silliness and have a good fucking laugh at them! So often things are taken WAY too fucking seriously. Everyone needs to just fucking smile and laugh when things get silly!! 🤭

Good morning, daydreamer! May your coffee be hot and your day full of sweet surprises.

Needless to say, the trip from the sky didn't actually fucking happen because before take-off I was like NOPE!! This is not the thing for me today. There's clearly no elevator to get the fuck off when I am ready so, I am not gonna hop into the air and attempt to be graceful on my way down to earth.

I really thought I was being fucking clever... As we boarded the plane, I couldn't resist asking the instructor, "Hey, is there an escalator option for getting back down?" The look on his face told me I was in for a wild ride. I mean, why jump out of a perfectly good plane when there could be a much fancier, more gradual exit

Alright, so I followed the 'How to Skydive' manual like a champ. Step 1: Suit up – check! Step 2: Climb into the plane – nailed it! But then, at Step 3, I looked out the tiny plane window and had a revelation: I'm terrified of heights. Suddenly, my grand adventure felt more like an epic episode of What the FUCK were you thinking??

A few days ago I woke up and thought, "You know what would be fun? Skydiving!" Like, who needs a cozy brunch when you can plummet from a plane, right? I showed up at the drop zone, met my instructor, and suddenly realized that I had committed to jumping out of a perfectly good airplane.

Wake up and smell the inspiration! Your creativity is about to have its moment in the spotlight.

The fucking light in the fridge, it's not there to guide you to snacks; it's there to make sure you don't snack alone! It's like a culinary bat signal for all creatures within a mile radius. So, if you're indulging in a midnight munchfest, just remember, the fridge's bright idea is to share the fun!

I didn't factor in the fridge light being as bright as a supernova! It practically had a spotlight and woke up the furbabies from their beauty sleep. Mission snack-sible turned into mission snack-ruined!

It's pitch black, and I'm tiptoeing to the fridge like a ninja on a top-secret mission. So I don't wake the furbabies! Those little furballs are the masters of guilt trips. So, there I am, stealthily opening the fridge, hoping that the crinkly cheese wrapper won't betray me. Midnight snacks: the struggle is fucking REAL!!

In the dead of night, my fridge starts flirting with me! It's like, "Hey there, remember those leftovers? I'm chilling, and they're waiting!" I mean, who am I to resist such seductive illumination? The fridge, with its cool charm, always wins. Midnight snack missions are like secret affairs with my cold-hearted culinary accomplice.

You know what I don't fucking understand, if we aren't supposed to have midnight snacks why is there a tiny light in the fridge? I call bullshit and the BEST time for snacks is waaaay after the sun has gone down! 😅

Good morning, happiness enthusiast! Don't forget to share your extra helping of smiles today.

Ffs, if you can't do what you want in the sack what is the actual point... Like, I know I would have publically demonstrated against things like this!! I can just SEE the headlines about a Blue Haired woman praised for her acts of sexuality so we can all have our rights!! 😅

Stuck into another internet wormhole!! Oral sex was illegal in Canada until 1969!! FFS, this shit has to be made up. How did they even prevent this? 😅 It wasn't just oral!! It was anal too! Sodomy bans are fucking RUDE!! And also so last century! Thank fuck we live in a world where people are WAY more understanding of all the needs we have. No wonder divorces were so high in those days!!

𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐓 𝐍𝐘𝐌𝐏𝐇 SUPER RARE masturbation vid from when I was 18 - quote #FORESTNYMPH in your DMs to get it and have it forever!!

Rise and shine, fellow human! Today's mission: spread kindness like confetti.

That must be interesting, why are you headed out of state? Oh, I broke my dildo need to go out of state to replace it! LOL!! 😅

Alabama residents can legally cross state lines and stock up on as many dildos and French ticklers as their hearts desire — the toys just can’t be sold or purchased within the state.

I am reading more into this and fucking SHOCKED!! A $20000 fine for anyone who violates this or a year in jail... WTF!!! I don't understand why anyone would wanna do this to others!!!

Do you freaks think if I had to go there with a briefcase of all my toy collection I would be fined on the spot or would they be like "Nah, she's brought them here to the people?" LOL Tell me what you think in my DMs...

GUYS!!! I didn't fucking know this but it's illegal to buy sex toys in Alabama?? What the actual fuck? I mean that's all they get to do there is fuck with no toys!! That's so boring!! All those poor people!! 😭

Rise and thrive! Today, you have a date with destiny, but coffee comes first.

OMG!! I love you freaks!! Thank you for the fucking GREAT laughs today!!! 💗