So, friends. There is no more strength to endure. In three days I'm leaving to fulfill my dream ✨
Let me start by saying that I planned this trip a 2 years ago. I worked hard, saved money, didn’t go anywhere all year. But since I was in the process of obtaining a residence permit in Poland, I was worried that I would not have time to get it before my departure. There was still half a year left, but there was no answer according to the documents.
When it came time to go on a trip, of course, I did not have time to get a residence permit. All the tickets and everything that I paid for then just burned to hell. I was really fcking upset, but decided to take the risk again this year. I shortened and changed the route a little, I have the residence permit in my pocket and there are already 2.5 days left.
Therefore, I am happy to inform you that I am going to conquer the peaks of Mont Blanc in a motor home. My path will run through the Czech Republic, Bavaria and Switzerland. Many hours on the road, many hours behind the wheel, but in my thoughts I open my eyes in my cozy motor home and wake up at the foot of Mont Blanc, make myself coffee and listen to the most beautiful music, the music of nature ✨
I will try to share my impressions, experiences and stories. I am so excited. Almost two years of waiting and I'm so close to the goal.
Hi guys! To be honest, I'm torn with impatience to tell you about the event that will happen to me in a week ❤️
I dreamed about this for so long. For a whole year I worked hard to make this dream come true. Why am I keeping this a secret? because exactly a year ago I had to do this and already shared with everyone I met on my way, but closer to the cherished day everything collapsed. I was very frustrated, so I decided that I would try again this year, but for now I would not tell anyone until it happened. Only a week left to wait 🫣✨
🇺🇸 By the way, the results of the green card lottery were announced yesterday and unfortunately I didn’t win, so you won’t see me in America soon hahaha🫠
You know how much I love taking photos, but I love taking photos of beautiful girls even more! @alexislusttt look so hot 🥵 in my lens Would you like to see more photos? Check our new HD set in your DM 🔥
Finally! Our set with my hot blondie @alexislusttt is already waiting for you 😍 check your DM I'm just in love with these photos. I think we look great together 🤤 What do you think?
At 5 am I was awakened by fresh and slightly cold air, which was accompanied by the sound of rain beating strong, heavy drops on my eaves. I again forgot to close the window before going to bed.
My bed is right next to the window, so when I wake up, the first thing I do is always look out the it.
Sometimes I see the beautiful light of dawn from the sun that has just awakened and its warm rays, like the most caring mother in the world, kiss my cheeks and forehead, fоrcing me to wake up. Sometimes I see fluffy clouds like cotton candy and blue skies.
But today I woke up early and it was raining outside the window. Here he is the culprit of my early rise. I watched the dripping drops from the back of my window. There were so many thoughts in my head that it was simply impossible to fall asleep.
In this stream of endless, breaking and abruptly changing thoughts, I grabbed onto one memory. Memories of how I started to draw. I took a notebook from the windowsill, in which I write down my thoughts when there are a lot of them.
I read this technique in one book, it is called the “thought diary”. Its essence lies in the fact that when you wake up, the first thing you do is write down everything that comes to your mind in a notebook. It doesn't matter if it has some kind of logic, you just need to write as it is, pour out the whole stream of thoughts on paper. The book said to write three pages every day. It helps to unload the head. And it is important that you never re-read this. Just write and forget.
I haven't written anything in this notebook for a long time, but today I wanted to write down these memories of drawing and use them for a story that I would like to share here.
In the last couple of months I have so much work and I am very happy about it. I try to focus on this because for the past year I want to fulfill one of my big dreams. So far I can not tell what it is, but very soon I will share with you. I'm already halfway to making this happen. The other day I signed a contract. I am so excited. I can't wait to tell you.
Now I draw a lot and finally decided to take the time to take care of my health, physical and moral. Due to a lot of stress and a nervous breakdown a couple of months ago (I wrote about this in my posts below), I started having minor health problems.
Now I am at the stage of soul-searching and I try to look at my life from a different angle. I weed out unnecessary people next to me, and try to focus on what I need. I'm tired of wasting my life. I do not want to devote time to unnecessary people, to follow goals and desires that are not my own.
I will not tire of repeating that the most difficult job in the world is working on yourself. If you have a desire to fix something, improve your life, fulfill your dreams. that means you will definitely succeed ❤️
How are you doing? What's on your mind? Share with me in the comments or private messages.
As always. Clever thoughts from Valeriya under the photo with boobs. What could be better? If I'm not your favorite blogger, then what are you doing here? 😅
Tell yourself that you don’t have to always succeed and deal with all the problems. Recognize that your options are limited. My short summary of yesterday.
Not in every event you need to look for success for yourself, sometimes it is necessary to return to us the answers of our choices and actions. Therefore, simply being physically in a material body, we cannot always succeed, but we can learn to accept ourselves as different. Allow yourself to just be. Learn to see experience in any situation. I think this is one of the important qualities of human being.
To distinguish the real state of affairs from the illusion of superiority, to learn to notice the answers of fate, to take the lessons that we wrote out for ourselves and do not hope that everything will work itself out, but to act. Radically forgive yourself and the world around you. And you will find true freedom. In actions, in choices and in thinking.
I sat on the floor and looked at the pink sky. the clouds moved slowly past me. A bird has flown. Purple light filtered through my window and lit up the whole room, fluffy plaid and beige carpet gave the room an even calmer look. I tried to breathe and gradually calmed down.
I did not notice how my thoughts were already focused on something else. My heartbeat became calm and my body relaxed. I, like a piece of melted butter on the floor, put my head on the pillow and began to look at my paintings.
Before me was a painting of a black hole. I've been working on for it the past few days. I couldn't take my eyes off her. Its large sleeves of constellations were sucked straight into the dark abyss. Damn it! My painting came to life. I saw how it rotated, and the stars moved in patterns and constellations. I looked at it for so long that at some point the black hole literally came out of the canvas and was already in my room.
A small picture of the nebula that stood nearby breathed its gently purple mist, as if dancing, it created patterns and fractals that grew into beautiful mandalas. I smiled. I realized that all this was not true, but only hallucinations. But it was wonderful. I'm an artist, I drew it, and it came to life. I felt like I was a god who was painting the universe.
But it's true, each of us, inside, has its own universe, and each of us draws it every day. Every day we make a choice or not (which is also a choice). We look at the same things in completely different ways, through our own prism of perception. We are based on our lived experience. And that's great. Every person is wonderful. Each person is deep and interesting. Everyone has their own history, their own world, their own universe.
And that story is exactly is mine.
And you are here. You are already part of my history. Our paths have crossed. How did you get here? You are an observer. You are like an astronaut looking out of a window. I don't know if you're interested. If you're interested, then support me ❤️
BADTRIP (PART 1/3) Journey into the depths of your consciousness.
Let's call it "acid experience" if you know what I mean. This story has two sides. First I will talk about the bad, because the story of the good follows from the bad.
Yesterday I had my first badtrip in my life. I literally thought I was going crazy. My mind played a cruel joke with me and all my fears and anxieties literally came out in the form of hallucinations.
It seemed to me that the whole space around me was full of cockroaches and they crawled over me, over my things, hands and across the floor. Some lay deаd, in heaps. And from all the cracks in the house mold flowed and enveloped me. I was very scared and the only thing I wanted was for everything to end as soon as possible.
I sat in the corner clutching my hair with my hands and repeated only one thing: «Valeria, it's all in your head, it's your mind, you can control it.» Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I tried to focus on my breathing, but I was constantly focusing on the heart area and it seemed to me that it would stop now. This made me even more worried. Mad anxiety. Hallucinations. Broken breath. Nobody around. Fear of deаth.
I tried to sort out in my mind everything that could calm me down. I was afraid to open the window because I thought I might jump out. While I convulsively went over in my memory the pleasant moments from my life, my panic intensified. I constantly told myself that peace is within me, I just need to find it. Only I can stop it. My anxiety is only my choice, I must not let my mind control me.
And I found a source of peace. I thought about my cats. About my friends, about traveling, I remembered about my life. I remembered how cool it is, how different and beautiful. I looked out the window and saw beautiful, fluffy clouds. I saw flying birds, the sun that was reflected in the windows of the house opposite. I saw an insanely beautiful purple light that filled the entire space. I felt the wind on my skin and my breathing became calm.
Hello! Yesterday I had an unplanned day off. I managed to get some rest from work. I went to the museum, looked at the paintings a little, walked on the street, read a book, in the evening I even went to a bar 😱 Usually I don't go to such establishments, but yesterday I wanted to take a break.
I drаnk hot tea with some kind of liquor or gin.😛 I thought it was a good option for a person who rarely drinks :) The tea was really great. I even relaxed a little and I accidentally got into a conversation with some guy in a bar. We talked about art and life problems. He also turned out to be an artist.
It's been a long time since I've talked to anyone like that. I live like a hermit, all in work. Still trying to find balance in my daily routine. To succeed in everything 🫠
The other day I finished doing a big custom project. The 100x80 cm painting made me very tired.
I want to find time to draw paintings for the gallery, I have not added anything there for a long time, because I work a lot on order now
It usually takes me a long time to recover after such intensive work. And when I have several orders in a row, I feel very empty. I need to find the strength to restore and inspire.
What are your sources of recuperation? Where do you get the resource?
Now I have such a period when I again began to push off from the bottom. Right now my another stage of huge growth and great training for honesty with myself and the surrounding reality has begun.
Dozens of practices, trainings, master classes, hundreds of books read, consultations and meditations, analysis, a lot of work. All this sometimes burns out at some point when you go through an unexpected reality.
Stratification of the psyche, loss of supports, landmarks and denial of integration into a new reality. Loss of friends, business, health and your grounding point where you always came home.
I went through many different stages where few people except those closest to me (and you, of course) knew what was happening to me. I still go through many stages. It took me a while to gather a renewed self and find the strength to act.
I always give people strength to inspire, and I am often told this, but being alone, I reflect on the topic of my pain. Because she didn't go anywhere. And never leave.
I have gone through different pain many times and I can tell you that there is no other way than to accept it as part of yourself, not to deny reality and build your inner supports again and again. Turn pain and fear into strength. And transform into love.
This year was the most powerful personal growth training for me, where I had to rebuild my personal boundaries and accept the real faces of people. But always remember that in a world where you can choose to be anything, choose to be kind.
Love each of you / And thank you for your support.
Hi guys 🤍 Half a year ago, I met on the Internet with a girl who also lives in Poland. @alexislusttt I wrote to her to get information about the photographers. There are no photographers for SG in Poland, and in general there are few photographers with whom one wants to work.
It turned out that this girl also speaks Russian. We started talking. I decided to visit her in Krakow to get to know her personally and make a collaboration.
And here I am. Yesterday we made a wonderful beautiful set, which I will soon be able to show you. This set can only be viewed here. It won't be anywhere else
This girl warmly received me at home, we had a great conversation, worked and rested. I feel productive.
Now I am walking around the city. The weather today is just great. The sun is shining, it's very warm. I drink coffee and walk around Krakow. Sharing with you photos of my weekend here 🤍
The other day I had a VERY unpleasant story that made me very nervous. When things settle down, I hope I can tell you everything.
In the meantime, I share the news from life.
I recently sold a painting at an auction in a gallery, which I am very happy about. This is my first gallery sale. After that, the organizers wrote to me that they would like to cooperate with me at the next auction, which will take place in May / June. Therefore, I need to write some big works to offer them.
I am extremely grateful for these opportunities that life gives me. I understand that this is the result of my perseverance and work. I really worked very hard for this, you know about it. I have tears in my eyes when I see how I achieve my goals. I'm very proud of myself 🤍
❗️And I completely forgot, tomorrow morning I'm going to another city to mееt one girl and we will make a lot of sexy content for you 🤍 So don't miss
I am attaching a couple of photos from everyday life. How are you doing?
Hi all! What a crazy year for events. It's only March, and so much has already happened to me.
Now, I spend a lot of time in my thoughts, in work, in concentration on creativity.
This text was not easy for me, it is difficult to explain everything that I feel in a foreign language. But in short:
5 years ago I had a very long and emotionally difficult relationship with a man. I think it caused me a big psychological trauma. And I'm still trying to piece myself together. Every year it gets easier for me. Time really heals :)
It was the strangest and most difficult relationship in my life.
No, there were good moments too, of course. But I want to say, that it just broke me psychologically. That's happened, unfortunately. I'm not looking for someone to blame. No. I'm just trying to do something with it out here and now. These relationships broke me, but somewhere else, they highlighted my strengths, or revealed me as a person. But it's hard. It's hard when you broken, because to reassemble yourself, it's difficult. The hardest job in the world is working on yourself.
Now I am at the stage when I am trying to separate my thoughts / words / views on life / tastes / opinions / principles, etc. from my past, from this person in particular. I'm trying to figure out where I'm real? Who am I really? What is right for me? What I think and what I want!
So far, I'm trying to understand, realize and accept this.
some pictures from today 🤍 Morning started with sending paintings and my posters. Breakfast. Drawing and shooting video for instagram. Then I went to the exhibition, and as always, I drink a lot of coffee ☕️
Hi guys! I got sick again, my eye is inflamed, so I can’t even shoot content for you and I don’t look very good now😔
The last month I have been working very hard, there is not enough time for everything that I want and for everything that is planned. Finally, I closed all my months on salary (for those who don’t know, read the story “my drama” below for November-December).
Many of you answered my call for help and helped me a little with the paintings. Thank you very much, I really appreciate it. You just have no idea what kind of ass I've been in. But with small steps, I am improving everything around me.
Now I devote a lot of time to drawing and work. During these three months, I have already begun to cooperate with two galleries that took my paintings to auction. I am very happy. All the same, my labors and my depression and sleepless nights in November and December gave their result.
I'm a little worried because now there is no time for almost anything. Sometimes I don't even have time to draw. And I'm afraid that I can get emotional burnout from all this. Sometimes it seems to me that I am very tired, but there is no time for sadness and self-pity 😄💪🏼
The pictures are running out and I can't start collaborating with other galleries right now because I just don't have anything to offer them.
But my main task was to close all the questions about the salary, and my residence permit. Thanks again to everyone who supported me and contributed. I love you very much 🤍 If I had the opportunity, I would hug you all tightly.
I don’t know if you noticed or not, but I’m losing interest in more and more of, sg, etc.
I'm even seriously considering deleting my pages. But I still have so many sets in stock 😂
I noticed how important support is. It is you who are the motivation for many girls who work as models and make content for you. You know, I write my stories here, in a language completely foreign to me, I share my experiences, my life, I make content, but without your support, I want to do it less and less. I just don't understand if you need it?
Now I'm getting more and more into drawing. I'm head over heels, if I may say so. I still have problems with my work (if you read my “my drama story” posts, then you know what I mean), yes, I still solve them. In addition, there are so many things happening in life now that I don’t know how to digest it, collect it in thoughts, text and tell you.
During these days that I was away, I did not sit still. I have been sitting at the computer for a long time and stubbornly since the morning and sent out my paintings and applications to various galleries. 🥵 I took photographs of my paintings, covered them with varnish and put them in order.
The most difficult thing was to make an application about myself as an artist. After all, galleries appreciate your background in the form of exhibitions and other artistic activities. But I don't have it and it's like a vicious circle.
You know, it's like a job situation. When they don't want to hire you because you don't have enough experience, but where do you get that experience when you don't get hired on work? 🤯 This world drives me crazy sometimes.
But I don't give up. You know I never give up 😎
But the galleries sent me rejections one by one. But one gallery nevertheless agreed to see my paintings. I was very excited. When I approached the gallery, my hands were shaking, and in my head it was only: “if they don’t like me”, “what if they don’t like my paintings”, “what if they refuse me because I am a foreigner and I don’t know the language well”, “what if they will refuse me because I am from Belarus, and due to the difficult political situation between the countries, they will not want to cooperate with me.”
But everything went great.
The gallery took one of my works for auction. They don't promise me a sale, but they gave me the opportunity to try. I am extremely grateful for this. And I thank myself for not giving up.
I will attach a video to you, how I cried when I received the first refusal and how a few days later I happily go to show my paintings in my first gallery 😂 Believe in yourself, friends, otherwise no one will believe
Today I had a dream that I was in my village, sitting by the river and dipping my feet in the water. The sun burned my back, and the wind gently blew my skin. I looked at my feet and saw how the rays of the sun seeped through the layer of water and it shone. Birds sang. I tried to count how many kinds of birds I hear. I was so quiet and calm. Behind me, I heard the voice of my grandfather and grandmother, they were discussing something sitting under a tree.
I woke up with such sadness in my heart. I miss these times. There's a hole in my soul called "family"
A little later in the afternoon, my das called me (if you remember, he rarely calls me, once every half a year) and said that today is 2 years without grandfather. I was shocked. Today my grandpa came to me in a dream ...
My dad said that my grandmother is very bored and every day she goes to the mailbox to check if there are any letters from me. We communicate with her by letters. Because she doesn't have a phone or internet.
Don't forget to write to her.
In the meantime, news from Belarus: they have closed another border crossing point with Poland. It has become even more difficult to come and see the family. This makes me very sad.
In a foreign country, I wander like a lonely wanderer and look for my way ...
Living with bipolar disorder is when you had a terrible depression all December. When there was no strength to get out of bed and everything rolled into a black hole.
And now I draw big projects every day for 17-20 hours, I hardly sleep and forget to eat. Please find a balance. I am looking for you very much.
I thought about it and realized one thing. About my emotional burnout. This idea prompted me to another thought.
I remembered my creative path How eagerly I grabbed at all the most difficult things for a novice artist. How I came to big projects in calligraphy and space paintings, oil painting, landscapes and seascapes. How after that I was incredibly tired and did not draw at all. At the beginning of last year, I picked up oil for the first time. I got carried away. Thought it was it. But over time, I returned to larger and more complex projects again. I need a challenge - this thought seemed to deafen me.
I thought the easy way was important to me! To make it easier, simpler, without resistance ..
But everything turned out differently. I love complexity. I enjoy multitasking myself. When with a burning ass I work non-stop, draw, give orders, shoot videos, run several platforms at once, keep the house clean and manage to do self-development and go to training.
I don't understand if this is good or bad.
My funny feature is to say 'I can't' and as a result come exactly to what I'm so vehemently running from. Because at first it is the my weakest personality that speaks in me that loves the easy way.
But the easy way is not for me. Only difficulties give me ground for development
My selfie set for @suicidegirls 🥰 https://www.suicidegirls.com/girls/valeriya/album/5074275/demure/#
Hi everyone! 🧸 Now I am actively engaged in creativity. I plunged into myself again, alone, alone with only my canvases.
My state is still lost, I'm still trying to find myself and piece myself together. My thoughts are sad and cold, but I do not give up and continue the fight.
I know that one day I will write a beautiful text here about how I succeeded. That all my labors were justified, and my goals were achieved.
I am a little girl 158 cm tall, a little lost soul, but I know that an unshakable fortitude and a kind heart lives in me. 🤍 I try to open up to this world more and more, it is difficult when your heart is in wounds and you have been burned so often. But I know that I will overcome all difficulties, I will achieve everything that I want, no matter what it costs me. And I believe that one day you will read this here!
good news: in a month my new kit for @Suicidegirls will be released, and now a new one is being processed 🥰🥰
