Back in the day, someone woke up, looked around, and thought, "Wow, I'm still alive. That's amazing!" That's pretty much how birthday celebrations began β a victory lap for surviving another spin around the sun. So, we party because, hey, life's a rollercoaster, and we're here for the thrill!
2023-10-02 21:01:25 +0000 UTC View Post
Ever thought about the birthday cake conspiracy? It's that magical day when you get to boss people around for cake, and nobody bats an eye! So, we celebrate birthdays to maintain the cake command hierarchy. It's science π€
2023-10-02 18:05:25 +0000 UTC View Post
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY WEEK!!! Accepting spoils all week! Good Morning!!
2023-10-02 15:02:18 +0000 UTC View Post
LOL!!! At least we can all laugh together and if you freaks didn't notice in the DMs I sent out... My birthday is coming up so you all better fucking pay attention! LOVE YOU ALL!! π
2023-10-02 06:02:04 +0000 UTC View Post
Suddenly, it HIT me like a bag of potatoes, LOL!! Food was in my bag, but where were my keys? I had to fucking laugh at myself! Lesson learned: always check for keys before assuming your sandwich is the key to a successful day! π€£
2023-10-02 04:04:01 +0000 UTC View Post
So, here's the BEST part of this!! I finally got to my car, ready to conquer the world, and what did I do? I tried to start it with a leftover lasagna! Fuck it, I mean, who needs a car key when you can rev up your engine with cheesy goodness... Omg, I am just getting fucking hungry thinking about this!!
2023-10-02 00:59:01 +0000 UTC View Post
So, there I was, frantically tearing through my bag, desperately searching for my keys. π§ But guess what I found instead? A sandwich! FFS!! It was like my bag had turned into a lunchbox ninja, swapping my keys for a snack.
2023-10-01 21:01:04 +0000 UTC View Post
Morning chaos, me in a frenzy, and guess what? I tossed my keys into the fridge instead of my leftovers from the night before... It was like my brain decided to take a detour to the fucking Arctic before I started my day!! I mean, who needs car keys when you can have chilled leftovers? π€£
2023-10-01 18:05:04 +0000 UTC View Post
Rise and grind, coffee buddies! Life's too short to have boring mornings, so let's make today ridiculously amazing.
2023-10-01 15:02:01 +0000 UTC View Post
FFS! I love a good innuendo, LOL! I did it again and this time I WAS talking about ANAL! π Head over to my DMs and tell me how much you freaks like anal too! π
2023-10-01 03:04:02 +0000 UTC View Post
That teabag was actually better the second time around! FFS the emabarrasment!! LOL, I hadn't fucking realized the sexual innuendo until it was too fucking late!!! π€£
2023-09-30 23:59:01 +0000 UTC View Post
LOL! I fucking crack myself up with the stupid shit I say! I found such a great tea, I hadn't realized I was down to my last bag. I left it in a cup and went to use it again for my second cup... I was on a call with a friend explaining how good the tea was and said something that they would NEVER let me live down.
2023-09-30 18:05:04 +0000 UTC View Post
Rise and shine, sleepy ninja! The world isn't ready for your awesomeness yet, so take it easy.
2023-09-30 15:02:04 +0000 UTC View Post
LOL! Send me a DM with your funniest fashion disaster!! It happens to all you freaks too right? π€
2023-09-30 06:04:03 +0000 UTC View PostOMG ITβS MY BIRTHDAY SOON AND I AM FREAKING OUT
2023-09-30 05:42:04 +0000 UTC View Post
Turns out, my little 'fashion experiment' was a massive hit! People were raving about my mismatched shoe style and even started copying it. It was like I'd accidentally stumbled upon the secret to fashion fame, and everyone wanted to be part of the trendsetting revolution!
2023-09-30 04:04:01 +0000 UTC View Post
I took my shoe rebellion to the next level and gave it a catchy hashtag: #ShoeFusion. It was like I'd uncovered the hidden beauty in wardrobe mishaps and turned them into the avant-garde statement of the year.
2023-09-30 00:59:01 +0000 UTC View Post
So, this morning, I was in such a hurry that I threw on two completely different shoes! π But instead of panicking, I thought, 'Hey, this is a golden opportunity for cutting-edge fashion experimentation!' So, I rocked that mismatched look with all the confidence I had!!
2023-09-29 20:01:01 +0000 UTC View Post
So, this morning, I was in such a hurry that I threw on two completely different shoes! π But instead of panicking, I thought, 'Hey, this is a golden opportunity for some cutting-edge fashion experimentation!' So, I rocked that mismatched look with all the confidence I had!!
2023-09-29 18:05:04 +0000 UTC View Postπ ππππ πππππππππππ ππππ Quote #5COCKSCHEERLEADER in your DMs right now and get this slutty scene right now!! @toycrazykatie
2023-09-29 17:30:04 +0000 UTC View Post
Good morning! Smile at your mirror, and it will smile back at you. Unless it's fogged up, then it might just wink.
2023-09-29 15:02:03 +0000 UTC View Post
I took away a priceless lesson: Never, ever underestimate the astonishing might of a pull door's 'strength test'! πͺ It might look fucking easy but don't be fooled. These doors are secretly flexing their muscles, just waiting to make you the star of their 'Strength Showdown.' Lesson learned: always be prepared to give a door your best 'Hulk' impression!
2023-09-29 06:02:04 +0000 UTC View Post
So, after a hilarious fight with the door, I finally got in the store, feeling like a total winner in my 'strength test' challenge! πͺ Yep, the door tricked me this time, but I didn't realize that I'd gain the amazing ability to show off my 'strength skills' against anything, even stuff that doesn't move!
2023-09-29 04:04:04 +0000 UTC View Post
So, there I was, struggling with the tricky door, when my friend leaned over and said, 'Hey, it's a push door, not a pull one, genius.' π Without skipping a beat, I put on my most serious expression and replied, 'Oh, I was just checking if it met safety standards!' My friend burst into laughter, and I thought, maybe 'door inspector' could be my new calling!
2023-09-28 23:59:01 +0000 UTC View Post
I grabbed that handle and gave it my all, summoning my inner Hulk! People watched in awe as I pulled that door like a champ, proving once and for all that doors were no match for my epic 'strength test' skills.
2023-09-28 21:01:34 +0000 UTC View Post
FFS!! I walked up to the door, ready to conquer it with confidence. Little did I know, it was a pull door! LOL, I ended up trying to make it look like a strength test but I think everyone could see I wasn't fucking winning π€£
2023-09-28 18:05:21 +0000 UTC View Post
Rise and sparkle!! Today is a new day to conquer β and if that's too much, at least conquer breakfast.
2023-09-28 15:02:45 +0000 UTC View Post
Spikezilla and I plotted a daring escape to the desert β the cactus promised to introduce me to its cool cactus friends. We gathered our thorns and courage, ready for an adventure of a lifetime. Life's short, but it's also full of delightful surprises, especially when you're hugging a cactus!
2023-09-28 06:02:01 +0000 UTC View Post
THEN, Spikezilla whispered a secret. Cacti, it turns out, have a wild social life underground! Who would've thought? We imagined cactus dance parties and secret meetings. Life was getting stranger, but I thought, 'Why not?' After all, life's short, and I was living it to the cactus-fullest!
2023-09-28 05:02:01 +0000 UTC View Post
Spikezilla became my roommate, and we decided to spruce up our living space. We decorated the place with cactus-themed dΓ©cor. The irony? We were decorating with a cactus in the room! It was a hoot, and life's short, so why not live in a prickly paradise?
2023-09-28 03:04:01 +0000 UTC View Post