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Remember, today is like a pizza – you might not get all your favorite toppings, but it's still pizza. Good morning!!

LOL! Ended up getting a ticket anyway for parking on the road!!! FFS! MY BAD!! 🤣

That would be one way to get a ticket, masturbating in a parkway, in a parked car! LOL!! Don't worry about me, I am pretty sure I lost a few marbles along the way!!! 🤣

I was stuck in traffic wondering all this random shit about parkways and driveways to distract myself from the urge of getting myself off right there and then!! 😆

And speaking of driving, have you ever noticed we drive on parkways but I've NEVER seen a park on a highway!

You know what I would REALLY like to know... Why do we park on driveways? I mean, isn't that where we're supposed to, you know, drive? LOL! Am I the only person that thinks this random shit! 😆

Wakey-wakey! Time to slay the day like a ninja armed with a pillow and a cup of coffee. Stealth mode: deactivated

FFS! I am just gonna stay in, everything was in plan fucking SITE!! Lol, please tell me I am not the only person that looks for shit that is right in front of me! LOL, my superpower is looking right through things in plain sight!! 😆

Or looking for your glasses when they are on your head! I swear I could see better when I was in the kitchen. Nope, it's not the room, it's the lack of vision! 🥹

Getting ready to go out is always a fucking mad hunt! Keys, check, phone... Fuck where is my phone *put the phone in my pocket* spend the next hour hunting for the phone that is in my pocket!! FFS 🤣

𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐄 For an authentic real orgasm go to your DMs and quote #TINDERTEASE right now!! You don't wanna miss sensual Bambi!! 💗

Hey there, sunshine! Wishing you a morning as bright as a glow-in-the-dark unicorn. Time to sparkle and caffeinate!

So going back to the unicorn thing! LOL, if I stick a dildo to my head and dance around that gives me the freedom to call myself a unicorn right? Asking for a friend 🤣

A unicorn is just a magical creature with a horn, right? You should see how many horns I have 😆

Some people like to think about magical places and far-off lands and fairytales with unicorns and princesses. Sometimes when I am alone... I pretend I am a unicorn! 🤣

Morning! The sun is up, the birds are singing, and somewhere, a cat is plotting world domination. Be the hero this day needs!

I would LOVE to know if any of you freaks have broken the record of 16 orgasms one after the other. I feel like this answer is wrong! LOL!! Send me a message and let me know! 😉

POOR dudes, the most amount of orgasms recorded for guys is only 16... That fucking sucks! And fuck yes to all the orgasms! Wanna see who can orgasm the most? DM me RIGHT NOW!! 😆

I just read about the MOST amount of orgasms in one go, 134!!!! In an HOUR!! Can you even fucking walk after that... What are your next ambitions after reaching the level of AMAZING!!! 😆

FUCK YES!!! To whoever said there is no such thing as too many orgasms!! I am ALL for that LIFE!!! Who's with me? 😆

I need to know what a good amount of orgasms a day is... Is it 20 is it 100? I feel like the more the merrier!! 😆

Roses are red, violets are blue, mornings are hard, I hope you are too!!! 😏

What's the longest you fuckers have ever spent masturbating... Send me a DM and tell me!! 😉

But what about the pre training, like do I need to do 2-3 hours of masturbation a DAY to get all my muscles ready? I NEED to do this!! 😆

Oh, wait!! I need TEN hours to beat the record! I mean I still think I could be the title champion for this!! LOL!!! How many times would I squirt? I would need an IV just to stay hydrated!!!

How should I prep for a full NINE hours of masturbating, I am definitely gonna need a lot of fluids, and snacks need to be prepped. A change of bedding maybe? LOL! 😆

Been reading world records all morning and found the BEST one yet!! The longest masturbation session lasted NINE HOURS and THIRTY THREE MINUTES!!! I could totally fucking beat that!!! 😏

Wakey wakey, I REALLY want some sausage for breakfast today... 😆

What do all you fuckers like about this time of year? The weather, getting all cozy under the blankets? DM me right now and let me know! 😆

In the spirit of still being thankful I REALLY am thankful for all you fuckers! You all make my days better and my smiles big! I LOVE YOU ALL!! 😆