Today is the 20th day. 🔓today we will become a little closer..
Added 2022-12-14 21:43:39 +0000 UTCToday is the 20th day.
🔓today we will become a little closer, I will show my real self in these 20 days (scroll left)
How often behind beautiful pictures lies pain, fear, despair, tears, hatred, anxiety, self-flagellation and loneliness.
Feeling like the world around is collapsing. This is how I spend my days, this is my reality now.
It is very difficult to find the strength to write and tell something. The head is empty and at the same time chaos.
I do something because it is necessary, mechanically. I can't bear to be with myself, I constantly want to run away from myself, to be busy. I developed tearfulness, feelings of guilt and insecurity, apathy towards everything, anhedonia.
In general, I am one of those people who do not recognize their own weakness.
It's very hard for me to share this. It seems to me that they will judge me, they will laugh at me, they will think that I am stupid ...
At such moments, you do not realize that you are not the cause of all the troubles on earth. I am all the time absorbed by some thoughts, thoughts about my future: how will I continue to live, what will I do? I know that this cannot be done. I know that you shouldn’t think about what hasn’t happened yet, but I constantly think that I’m losing my life, that I won’t achieve anything, I think that no one is interested in everything that I do. I think I'm doing it badly or not doing enough...
I'm trying to just accept this state, like it was in 2019 when I last felt this bad. Acceptance is probably the first step towards solving a problem. I am learning to accept myself again.
