If anyone is wondering how I’m doing, this is a pretty good ..
Added 2022-08-07 18:45:07 +0000 UTCIf anyone is wondering how I’m doing, this is a pretty good representation. I am in hell, but I also have been in hell for so long it’s kind of just… funny now? I vacillate wildly from feeling like I have superpowers and I’m capable of whatever I put my mind to and feeling like nothing I do remotely matters and there is never going to be an end to the compounding, oppressive nightmare that is and has been my life and that the only way to win the game is not to play. I don’t have any answers. I certainly don’t have a plan. But when I do get to a place where I think that opting out of my subscription to being alive is a viable solution, I always angle myself in the direction of “if that’s the case, then there’s no reason for me to not do whatever I want regardless of perceived consequences. There’s no reason not to do something risky that could wildly change the trajectory of my life, which I hate anyway. There’s no reason to not do something impulsive and bizarre because what could possibly be the down side if I already want to be d-e-d dead?” Which is how I end up cry laughing while considering spending $200 on a handmade puppet that I had only become aware of 5 seconds earlier.
